Sorry, I need to be serious for a moment

As I sit here watching the Every Simpsons Ever Marathon with my son while he plays Plants VS Zombies on my iPad and I nurse a pretty bad caffeine withdrawal hangover, I feel like the worst mother ever. I should be playing some toddler games with Sam to enhance his motor skills or I really should be reading to him and limiting his screen time today plays over and over in my head. I swear I just cleaned the house but the dishes in the sink and the dog hair all over the floor makes me second guess myself and I wonder if I can ever get caught up. The constant repetition of "Mama!" and "Zombies ate brains!" are making me want to put duct tape over his mouth (not that I would) and makes me feel like my head is about to explode. With every step I take my head pounds as if there was a small person with a sledgehammer in there and all I want to do is go to bed for the next three days. But I can't because I am a mother. I'm just lucky I had the energy to shower today, because I didn't yesterday.

This is why I can't sleep in anymore

I sigh and say to myself, At least it's raining.
I swear, I feel so backwards compared to other people. Rainy days make me happy and sunny days make me feel like I am going to die. I hate pizza. I would much rather stay at home than go out and party (I've learned a lot, recently, about my introverted tendencies and it's making me feel better; like less of a weirdo).
Anyway, I have been having a hard time lately and I am hoping that by typing it out I can get things off my chest and start feeling better. I hate to admit it, but I am terrible about talking to the people in my life when something is bothering me. I tend to shut down and then everything gets pushed deep down inside.
Then I have anxiety attacks.
This recent one made me sick. I had to stop drinking caffeine and had to stick with bland foods because I had an upset stomach. Hench the caffeine withdrawal. 

Yes, I am addicted to caffeine. Shut up.

A friend of mine recently challenged me to post three good things in my life for five days and I haven't accepted because I've honestly been having a hard time finding good things in my life. Obviously I have many good things in my life; I know they are there and I am grateful, it's just harder to see them when the world seems so scary and hopeless. Lots of little things have built up and have exploded out of me like an anxiety geyser and are acting like a tarp, hiding the good things from view; especially when my two year old is testing the limits for the hundredth time that day.
Unfortunately, when we are having a difficult time we tend to forget that others might be too. That usually makes me feel even more guilty. I feel terrible that there's nothing I can do for them and that I am not always the best friend I could be. I'm afraid my introversion keeps me from being as compassionate of a friend as I could be.
I truly admire my friends who are able to constantly keep updated with people and always want to hang out. I admire the ones who sacrifice their "Me Time" to participate in fund raisers (or even coordinating them) and are always doing things for others. I admire the ones who are so intelligent, work so hard and truly love what they do for a living. And I admire the ones who are able to keep positive despite going through extremely hard times.
I don't feel like I could ever live up to that.
I love and respect you guys. I truly do. Even if I don't always show it.
Right now I can't even find the energy to crochet a voodoo doll.

My busy season hasn't even started yet and I am already overwhelmed with life. Shit. I guess I should have known better than to apply for a booth rent during October. Oops.
Well I guess it is time, yet again, for me to hibernate so that I can get my sanity back.
I apologize, dear friends, for being kind of solitary. It's harder for me to "recharge" with a toddler constantly talking in my ear and demanding all of my attention.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I need to enjoy this before he becomes a teenager who wants nothing to do with his mother (dear jeebus I hope he never gets like that).
Now I need to go rest my eyes and hope the pounding stops soon.
XOXO

Chewbacca! What a Wookiee!

Hello!
It took me a few to wake up this morning. I stayed up waaaaay too late last night.
COFFEE.
I'm sitting here with my son watching Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back because he is obsessed with Chewbacca. And this old Wicket W. Warrick shirt that used to be my brother's:

It's not the best quality photo, but I couldn't get him to stand still

I need to utilize anything I can to distract him so I can make stuff because HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS I GOT INTO THE FALL HORSESHOE MARKET!! YAY!!
I am most likely going to participate in the Bogeyman Art Show at the MacSpa so I am, yet again, going to be a busy little monkey in October. And September. And right now.
But I am excited! Come join me on October 4th for some crafty/nerdy awesomeness!
That also means that I will try to find the easiest Halloween costume I can this year. I already have an idea what I want to do for Sam, but mine might be kind of lame. Good thing I only have one kid...
My friend Deyanna (check out this article about her in the Westword) is currently showing art work by her and her friends (including me) at Wonderland Brewery. This month's theme is Wild Flowers, so I submitted this cross stitch I did of a picture I took at my cabin:

Purty!
My nephew is obsessed with Plants VS Zombies 2, so I made him an Iceberg Lettuce for his birthday. Shhh! It's a surprise!

 Anyway, that's about all that's going on with me right now. We did just get back from spending the night at my family's cabin and Sam got to see some horses. There's also something upstairs that he refers as "the scary;" he refuses to sleep in that room but he'll go in there, wave and say "Hi scary!" Weird kid.

So, I suppose I better get back to work.

Wish me luck!